why do humans have to grow old ?
why can't we stay 18 forever ?
why can't we be happy everyday?
why can't we get what we want?
why can't be friends with everyone?
why can't we have lots of money?

i really fear that one day, when i;m old , while recalling the past, i would regret my actions.
love you guys alot. T_T nooo, please. do experiments on me to let me be immortal

fugg, i wan a job so badly. arghh. recently, everything have been irritating to me. waht happened to them ?! zzz. nevermind. i dont give a damn anymore too. as time passs, i can see how each people react to you. LOL. it's alright. i don't need all of you if you guys are like that._. i bet you guys wil see that i always say it's alright. cause it's the only thing i can say. friends come and go to you. yes, i can see that. how i wish i could secure a spot in your heart. Impossible

wishful thinking.
afterall it's just my own wishful thinking.

Chapter 1 : Converting pain into Hatred

fuck promises.
break them all , ya ?
fuck. i hate to do it too.
but i think it's the best ? dont' you. heckcare

yeah , yeah. feeling so fucking used. screw you fuck . it's alright. seriously. i don't feel angry. but just irritated. because, someday, someday . just when you thought everything is over. you'll never know what hit you. so hardd :D

Moved my blog back to the old link already. lol . it's been so long since i update something recent, shall post fast ,( hopefully a long post ) before i don't have the feeling. Lessons have resumed , with the whatever bridging programme . i feel like shyt currently, i'm impressed that i can actually be "happy " in school :D trying to keep my feelings and attitude in control recently ! :D it's a good start that i'm trying. hahahah! but , there's still distractions around me. Hope that i can continue to control. Control control control. lolol. Holiday is coming , and i don't have any plans of enjoying currently, probably it's because of .... ANYWAY , i think i'm gotta find a job on weekdays to occupy myself and probably another on weekends to keep my mind off things and numb myself eh? :x that's just dumb. but, i wan moneyyyyy !! money = drinking , Shop spree , movieee !! :D :D . right now , let's just concentrate on working . :D

-4H
i'm sorry . Guys . i know that some of you or probably most of you dislike me right now. trying to change my attitude too. some of you say that when i disiao you guys, and you guys disiao me back , i will bueysong. but the truth is . If that's what you think, means you don't know me well enough. that's my -,- face, but it doesnt mean that i'm pissed . seriously. you guys may say that i'm finding excuses for my mistake or what. but that's the truth. i did'nt take the class photo because i really don't feel like part of the class during that period of time. it's just like the whole world is against me. Family , Friends , Cliques , Other many more problems. i'll understand if you guys are pissed, maybe some of you don't even give a damn. about the IDK what rumours, please just ask me face - face if it's true anot instead of pointing fingers behind me and giving me that 0O look. it's really irratating. i know i'm in the wrong for venting my frusration on you guys (maybe w/o me knowing myself ) and i'm really sorry. it's really awful for me this year. nothing goes right for me. everyone life's is unfair, but mine is totally Fuck up. thanks those who believe me. xx . trust me . i really treasure this class. IDK when you guys will see this post. but i really got a hunch that i'll not make it to sec 5 . Horray to those who loathe me ! :D i'm really really really sorry. you may think that why don't i tell you guys Face- face but i don't have the courage to. sorry.

- Jiahui , Jessery, Jaslin , Rowena , Szechi.
i'm really really really sorry about that incident. i know i;m wrong and awfully stupid and childish about how i deal with it. but. try putting yourself in my shoes. would you like to see someone status which is obviously saying about you flashing in your face? i may be over-sensitive too. ( trying to change that at the moment too ) sorry if i offended you guys. kinda upset with myself for this too. you guys are seriously great friends . blame myself for this outcome. sorry ttm.

and to myself. please control your emotions. please control your thoughts. please control your anger. please control your jealousy. please please. please. Or maybe God would just give me a Pill to make me numb to emotions? :D that would be GREAT . Forget it forget it .. i don't like being a emo freak ass.

i prefer school when i'm bored at home.
i prefer home when i'm stress up in school.
i prefer going out when bored in school and at home.

hais,
give me one more month!
i wanna prepare for N's .
wtffuck. time flies.
i dont even know what i've been doing this past 8 months.
i guess i've been doing unproductive things.
i seriously miss secondary 3.
if i were to be given a chance again.
i promise .. i promise i'll study real real hard.
i'll salvage that f/s too.
if only ... time could slow down..
i .. really .. feel so sad when i think of things.
things that i could do something but i didnt. because of my attitude.
bear the own consequences.
haha. it's alright. i'll get used to it.
even though it hurts sometimes.
i'll stay strong. i'll ..
i really will.
there's so much things i wish that i could tell to that someone.
but whenever i think of telling that someone. i wonder what reaction would they give.

firstly , Pass N's. Screwed you.
secondly , Gonna have a hell of great time.
thirdly , break down and emo for a month.
lastly , bye.

Day Left to N's : 12days.

went home early today,
since theres nothing for me to do.
feeling so damn sian.
:( hais.
nevermind.
no matter how hard i try, i cant make a change.
why?
is that so important to you?


nothing is impossible.
expect the unexpected

i'm feeling so weird now,
no one can understand this feeling i have now.
:(

Prelims this few days! wthhh, tomorrow is Maths paper ! Went studying with Co just now. Tuition was crazyyyyy! (: i think i'll do well for this prelims! *Pray hard* :D i'm happy with my life now. (: Happy with the friends i'm around with, happy with the laughter , the joy, the craziness, and the randomness. ! ^^ thanks guys!

Emotions run wild

School was just as boring as ever. =( but still i have to focus on lessons. Seiously , my results now is KNS sia. WTfck shit marks. zzz, can't even get promote with that kind of marks. -.- walk around the school after school, hais. just can't stop thinking about it la. what the fck is wrong with me ? am i like some fcking idiot or whatever .-.- if you can do that for that person, would you do that for me? nahs, i doubt so too. aiya, nevermind la. see how things turn out la. think too much also no outcome. =( SAD



Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice

Watch Eclipse with Jaslyn & Co. the movie was kinda disappointing. =( but at least i watch it already :) focus on my studies now:/ haave fun going out , but something missing, cant stop thinking about you.

today F&N was kinda okay. unexpected. at least i think it turn out fine? LOL. somehow found my motivation to study by Mrs Koh (: thanks uhs.

this blog is like so fucking dead. sorry for my laziness. that's what i have been trying to change. although i did say that i wanna to have a new attitude for school, but i just can't seem to. i feel like a failure, putting my future at stake here. Seeing people around me preparing for the prelims and 'N' levels. Damn , feels like a idiot. fun is all i'm thinking now. childish aye? haha, in years to come i would regret. This may be my last post or what, but i seriously wanna give myself a attitude change.

i belong to where i belong , and you belong to where you belong.
there's no point acting like i could change this fact, in the end , i would be the only one getting hurt.

it's boring this few days. commenting facebook status , watching videos, sleeping late and waking up early. BORED .. anyway , i wanna watch eclipse on July 1st. ^^ ! ECLIPSEEEE

went prawning at punggol end . Ton at Rowena house. Went Paris Ris Roller blading with Jinghui. liying ,szechi tony and end up getting a bruise leg. damnzx. fun. lazy to type out in details. wanna go sleep again.

kinda enjoying life right now (: so i think ya, that it! stay happy (:

one of the problems i have or i feared is that friends would be leaving me someday. it's like we got together as friend in some weird circumstances and those kind of friendship doesnt last long. we all got our own clique. and i know that we'll always stick to our own clique no matter what friends you have around you everyday. and thats what i dread most. call me selfish or anything. but thats who i'm.

tired of it. but i'm still holding on. what an idiot i'm.

went cycling on sunday with liying , jinghui , szechi tony and jovi . hmm. went tony house after that , sleep awhile before going Jovi house. lol. fun fun fun. lolol... Went to watch IP man 2 with liying . tony . jovi . jinghui and sixian. went jinghuii house after that. hmm. now i'm feeling bored with nothing to do. Gahs :x

Coming to think of it, i've change too. I've been choosing friends. Unlike the past. Idk too. It's like so damn selfish of me. But i wanna say, friends are important to me. However, none of them are true friends i guess. Friends or enemy. Friends of friends. You don't even know which is true to you and treat you as a f...riend. All the friends you have will someday go back to their own clique. Leaving you. This's life ,i guess. unfair unfair.true friends are rare.. Do cherish them. I hate giving people attitude. Seriously. Because everytime i do that i would feel bad. Real bad. But what's done is done ain't it? Hahas. I want to hang out with you guys. But i'm the extra one. That's what i think. Gahs, if people have know me from sec 1 , they would think i changed alot too . Happy go lucky last time, but now, attitude, emo, dao. Feel like shit. I hate myself for everything.自作自受. That's true. I lost a friend because of my darn behaviour. Have this urge to scream and cry and yell everytime i think of it. Finally, i'm crying now. Fuck myself. I don't attitude any people. Those i show attitude to are those i treat as friend. Too much attitude however can cause strains in friendship. And i'm ...sorry for that. I'm changing for the better. Gimme time. I'll change . thanks for tolerating my crap and shitty behaviour/attitude. love you lots okay? espically you

sometimes i just feel that what i feel and what i do is two total different thing. i wanna do what i want to do deep down in my heart, but i know it's wrong. i act as if i dont care about you, but infact i do. i act normal around you, but deep down i want to tell you how i feel. but i know that someday you too will leave like the rest do. this world is unfair . why? nobody could fix this, only i can fix this myself, but i cant. i'm simply too into you.